Matt

I will be posting again tonight and will respond to the great questions and comments over the last two weeks.

Matt – 31 days quit

Before I get into the post topic, I have a couple random thoughts that have been on my mind a lot today.

The first thought relates somewhat to the post on January 12th about rationalization of the addiction. Over the years of reading about the harmful effects of snuff use, I learned that many people suffer disease many years after quitting the addiction. In other words, a person that may have used snuff for 20 years and quit at age 35, is still almost 50 times more likely to develop some form of oral cancer in their lifetime. I remember all the times that I read this thinking, ‘why should I even bother to quit now, if the damage is already done, or if my body won’t completely heal itself’. It was very irritating to me because I had also often heard that a long time smoker’s lungs begin to heal themselves almost immediately after quitting, and can be like that of a non-smoker in less than five years. I am not going to give in to this type of self-destructive thinking like I have in the past. I am, however, going to do some more research on this subject and post my findings at a later date, so please check back.

Another thought that I had today was why you don’t hear more about snuff tobacco addiction in main stream media and publications. Sure, you will see the occasional short brochure or pamphlet in the local grade school or dental office, but smokeless tobacco addiction is never mentioned with the same vigor as smoking. Sadly, the only people that really seem to view this addiction in the light that it requires are former users who have suffered terrible and traumatic surgeries due to oral cancer. I really believe that most clinicians feel that just showing pictures of disfigured men with have a face is enough to deter children and young adults from trying snuff tobacco. It obviously is not working. Not only are more children and young adults using snuff tobacco than in the 1990s, but more non-traditional users are emerging thanks to products like Snus, which will be discuss in a later post. I guess my main point here, is that I would like to see more information that deals not only with the addiction to snuff tobacco and nicotine, but ways to deal with the even more damming associative habits that keep users hooked. Thoughts??

Now for the main post topic, Copenhagen meets YouTube. I know that when you fist looked at the title, you probably were trying to imagine just what in the world could Copenhagen have to do with YouTube. Well, up until the other night, I thought exactly the same thing. That is until I typed ‘dipping copenhagen’ into the search box of YouTube. 543 videos came back showing everything from kids taking their first dip of Copenhagen, to men recording videocasts for YouTube while dipping Copenhagen, to a group of teenagers from Canada who did a 5 minute video on nothing but all of them dipping. I was absolutely amazed. The honest truth, however, is that I related to almost every single video I watched. Watching the videos of people dipping snuff like they were actually ‘doing something’ was very easy for me to relate to. I remember being 12 and 13 years old, sneaking down into the basement of the house, or going outside to ‘have a dip’. If you watch these videos, it will amaze you at the range of people that actually made a video about snuff tobacco.

A question that may come to your mind is, ‘why is he watching video of people dipping snuff, when he is trying to quit? Isn’t that like taking an alcoholic to a bar and telling them you can’t drink?‘ Well, if you were thinking that, you have every right to question the logic. I can only speak right now for me, as I have done no research on this topic at all, but it has actually helped me stay motivated to quit over the last week. Think of it this way. Most people reading this have at one point or another over indulged in the use of alcohol. I am not condoning alcohol use; I am just making an assumption based on the average person in the United States. While being in the state of over indulgence, one might have done or said things that they typically wouldn’t, if not for the alcohol. The majority of us who have made asses of ourselves while being drunk, forget about it the next day and move on. We also don’t get to see how we look through someone else’s eye.

What if, though, we were being recorded and were forced to watch our words and actions from our drunken adventure over and over again? Do you think that might prevent us from getting drunk in the future? That is a question that can only be answered by each person individually. I can tell you though, that watching those videos of people dipping, spitting, moving the snuff around in their mouth, talking funny, having bad teeth and stained fingers, was like someone videotaping me over the last 24 years and making me watch it. Instead of making me crave Copenhagen or nicotine, it actually makes me see what most other people probably see when they looked at me dipping at one point or another. As I said, this is just a way that I have found to help out with the physical aspects of being addicted to snuff and nicotine. Please click on some of the links above and see if it works for you. And of course let me know your thoughts either way.

I will leave you with one more video link. I will not describe it, I will let you do that.

Thanks again for reading and please post your stories or updates, as it really does help others on the same road. If you want to post, please email me and I will get you access.

Matt – 14 Days Quit

Today, I thought about going to the gas station down the street and buying a can of Copenhagen at least 5 times. Maybe it was because it was Monday, or the fact that the day started with a conference call at 8:30 am, or the fact that there is so much work to do and not enough hours in a day to do it, or maybe it was because I just wanted a dip of Copenhagen like the old days. At any rate, I knew it was going to be a rough day with my addiction.

One thing I noticed that I immediately thought about after each and every urge, craving, or temptation to buy a can of Copenhagen snuff, was how I would rationalize it. Rationalization is a key component of all continuing addictions. My rationalization just today to myself was, ‘i can’t take this stress without the snuff or nicotine, my work will suffer if I stay quit because I can’t concentrate’. How about, ‘I don’t do anything else that is bad for me, I work out, eat healthy, don’t have a history of cancer. This one thing won’t kill me, everyone needs one vice’. And probably the one that I have used the most over the last 24 years, ‘I will only have one or two dips a day from now on, what can that hurt? I know that I can control myself having been quit for this many days. If I reduce the snuff, the danger is also reduced’. Wow, how many of you have used similar rationalizations to yourself to sabotage beating your addiction?

Now, by no means am I saying that this equation alone caused all of my failed attempts to quit my snuff and nicotine addiction. What I am saying is that no matter how I solve for the equation, relapse = a + b + c …. Temptation and rationalization are always two of the variables. So what is different this time? Well, so far I believe that my commitment level is higher than it has ever been, partly because of all the research that I did prior to my quit date. As I learned in the military, and as I’m sure you have heard quoted many times, ‘know your enemy’. How can you expect to win a daily battle, let alone, the lifelong war against tobacco and nicotine addiction if you don’t even understand it? The links on the right side of the blog are some good information sources that I am using to help fight the war on Copenhagen.

I also found that by writing about my addiction and snuff usage patterns, the severity of the situation finally came to light. I always knew that I dipped many times during the day, but when you write it out hour by hour during the course of an entire day, it really becomes evident how much control the addiction has over you. This particular coping mechanism may not be for everyone, but there are other ways to log thoughts and uncover the stranglehold of the addiction, like digital voice recorders or video diaries. If you would like information on either of these, please send me an email as I have extensive knowledge on both. Don’t forget to check out my post on my daily use of Copenhagen snuff contained in the post, ‘The First Five Days – Part II‘.

Because I am only coming to the end of my 12th day in battle, I really don’t think I will go on anymore about why I am not letting the equation win this time. I know how quickly the battle can be lost, with the war soon to follow. I will, however, continue to include things that I found helpful in my daily battles in future posts. Thanks again for reading and please post your stories or updates, as it really does help others on the same road. If you want to post, please email me and I will get you access.

Matt – 12 Days Quit

All I can say is that nicotine patch has definitely helped with the physical withdrawal symptoms, but I am still suffering the immense cravings and associative habit addiction. Typical physical nicotine withdrawal symptoms are irritability, trouble sleeping, fatigue, headache, anxiety, mild depression, and mood swings. I can honestly say that using the 14 mg nicotine patch, I am only experiencing mild irritability, headache, and anxiety.

You might ask, ‘why are you experiencing any physical withdrawal symptoms at all if you are using the nicotine patch?’ That is a great question and here are a few possible reasons that I’ve found after researching the subject.

Not all of the nicotine in snuff tobacco is “free,” or quickly available to enter the user’s bloodstream. The amount of free nicotine is controlled in two ways: the cut and the pH of the tobacco. Finely cut tobacco (Copenhagen silver top) releases its nicotine faster than “long cut” brands (Skoal long cut).

Most snuff brands have a pH of less than 6, meaning the tobacco is acid. For nicotine to be absorbed into the bloodstream, the tobacco must have a pH of over 7, an alkaline reading. So what is the free nicotine content and pH level of my suicidal plant over the last 24 years?

Copenhagen contains 79% of the ‘quickly available’ free nicotine, with a pH of 8.6 (remember only a pH of 7 is needed for nicotine absorption). Compare this with Skoal Long Cut which contains only 22% free nicotine at a pH of 7.5.

Ok so where am I going with this.. Give me a minute and you will see. I am taking a 14 mg nicotine patch, which means over the course of 24 hours, my body is taking in 14 mg of nicotine. There are 3 levels of patch, 22 mg, 14, mg, and 7 mg. I deliberately started with the mid-level patch to jump start the nicotine cessation process. I am not recommending that anyone else do this. I decided this after looking back at the last 24 years of attempting to quit. The average cigarette contains between 1-2 mg of nicotine per cigarette. Now how much of that nicotine you ingest, depends on your style of smoking, i.e. smoke the whole cigarette, length of the drag, how deep you inhale, etc. So the packaging for the 14 mg patch suggests that you use this if you smoke 10 or less cigarettes per day.

I don’t smoke, so why the hell am I talking about this. If a pack of cigarettes contains between 20-40 mg of nicotine, let’s say the average smoker actually inhales 30 mg per day. How does this equate to my chosen agent of death, Copenhagen snuff? There is 7.5 mg of nicotine per gram of snuff. There are 34 grams of snuff per can of Copenhagen. That equals 255 mg of nicotine per can of Copenhagen. I personally never liked to take monstrous dips, but I would keep them in for long periods of time. I went through about .5 cans of Copenhagen per day, brining my average daily nicotine consumption to about 127 mg per day. Hmmm, now are we starting to see why snuff addiction is so difficult to overcome, and why it is different than cigarette smoking???

I know that was the long way to my answer about why I am still dealing with physical withdrawal symptoms, but I hope you learned something along the way. Thanks again for reading and please post your stories or updates, as it really does help others on the same road. If you want to post, please email me and I will get you access.

Matt – 11 days quit

So what does, ‘the cravings were very strong all day’ mean exactly? Let me give you the rundown of what my typical work day was like when I used to report to Copenhagen snuff. 

8:00 am ~ 8:30 am – Get up, brush my teeth, and head downstairs to get some coffee

8:31 am ~ 10:00 am - Take my first dip of snuff for the day

10:01 am ~ 10:15 am - Eat breakfast

10:16 am ~ 11:30 am – Take my second dip of snuff for the day

11:31 am ~ 12:00 pm – Get a shower and get dressed

12:01 pm ~ 12:15 pm – Eat lunch

12:16 pm ~ 1:30 pm – Take my third dip of snuff for the day

1:31 pm ~ 1:45 pm – Have a snack, not so much because I needed one, but to eat something to make the snuff feel better in my mouth – how freaking messed up is that!

1:46 pm ~ 3:00 pm – Take my fourth dip of snuff for the day

4:00 pm ~ 5:00 pm – Take my fifth dip of snuff for the day – “the pre-workout snuff”

5:00 pm ~ 6:00 pm – hit the gym – keeping the outside looking good while destroying the inside

6:00 pm ~ 6:30 pm – Take my sixth dip of snuff for the day – “the post-workout, in the shower snuff”

6:31 pm ~ 7:00 pm – Eat dinner with my wife

7:01 pm ~ 8:00 pm – Take my seventh dip of snuff for the day while watching tv with my wife – sick I know, but remember I don’t spit (I’m always rationalizing)

8:01 pm ~ 9:30 pm – spending time with my wife – no snuff

9:31 pm ~ 11:00 pm – Take my eighth dip of snuff for the day while I catch up on work

12:00 am ~ Sleep – Take my ninth dip of snuff for the day as I lay in bed and read the news on my iPod Touch

I know that it might seem like a huge waste of blog space to detail my day by the hour, but I really wanted to give you a glimpse into my typical work day and how it involved the use of snuff.

Matt

Not that I planned it this way, but my last dip of Copenhagen happened from about 11:10 PM to 11:50 PM on New Year’s Eve. I had exhibited great will power on the drinking that night, because I know it makes it even harder to resist the temptation to feed the nicotine addiction. I was up until around 4:00 am on January 1, a whole 4 hours without snuff. I then went to bed and woke up around 1:00 PM that afternoon. 13 hours with no snuff or nicotine, so by then I was feeling the urge pretty strong. Thank God you don’t get cravings in your sleep… or do you?

 As I had planned prior to my quit date, I took a shower and headed over to the pharmacy to get the 14 mg nicotine transdermal patch. I bought a 2 weeks supply, 14 patches in all. This is not my first run in with the patch; I have probably tried it over 10 times throughout my snuff addiction. None the less, I chose it because it does help with the physical withdrawal symptoms and unlike the gum, doesn’t get me in another oral habit or association. Just to clarify, when I have used the gum in the past, I found myself using it the EXACT same way I did snuff, after meals, driving, working, etc. For me, and most other snuff addicts, the mental and physical associations are just as, and if not more difficult to kick, than the nicotine dependence.

There I am now, looking at myself in the mirror to find that perfect spot for my little nicotine friend. The arm, shoulder, back, stomach… I decided to place it on my side, above the ribcage. It is on, and now there is no turning back, well at least until you rip the patch off because you can fight the craving for snuff. That won’t be me though.. right? Only time will tell. 

The first day and night without snuff and with my little nicotine friend, was not too bad surprisingly. Just as I have experienced in the past, and like the side effects label says, I did experience some dreams that were more vivid than normal. From other people I talked to, it doesn’t seem to be that common of a side effect, but for me it happens almost every time I use the patch. Along with the patch, I am also drinking a ton of water during the day with hot green tea at night. Although it is mostly antidotal evidence, I have read several places that green tea can help with nicotine withdrawal, I would imagine because it has a tendency to relax you. Who knows, but I know that it does help me a little bit at night. It is also good for controlling weight gain, as it is a natural appetite suppressant.

Although the first day may have sounded like it was no sweat, I am here to tell you that from a mental aspect it was hell. As I have mentioned before, the patch is great for the physical withdrawal symptoms, but does just about nothing for the mental side of the equation. Here is the best way that I can explain my thought process. Please do not judge, as I know what you are about to read is going to sound insane. But for those of you that share my addiction, you will know that I speak the truth.

Imagine that you are met a person 24 years ago. After a few years you decided that they were your soul mate and you decided to get married. For the next 20 years you spend just about every waking minute of every day with that person, having the time of your life. Everything you do, no matter how common it is, triggers a happy feeling inside your heart, soul, and mind. Even if you are not with the person, the thought of that person makes you happy. In my mind, that is the trigger that is sent to my brain when I think about dipping snuff. It triggers a pleasurable response each and every time I put that pinch in my lip.

Now, I want you to imagine that you are forced to go through the rest of your life without your soul mate of 24 years. To make matters even worse, you will be forced to continue to do all of the things and visit all of the places that the two of you shared together. Initially, the happy triggers from the sights and sounds flood your brain with that old familiar warmth, but then you realize that you will be alone forever. That is what goes through my mind now that I am fighting my addiction to snuff. All the triggers from the 24 years are still there; after meals, driving, yard work, reading, computer work, football, coffee in the morning, talking on the phone, and the list goes on and on and on. The hardest part of overcoming the addiction, is realizing that you can still enjoy all of those things without snuff or nicotine.

The one thing that I have learned over the years of trying to quit is that for me personally, I cannot think about being snuff and nicotine free for the ‘rest of my life’. At this point in time, that is just too big a chunk of time to handle. I am really following the one day at a time philosophy.

Matt

I started dipping snuff when I was around 12 years old, starting with the ‘easy’ stuff, ya know Hawken, Kodiak, Skoal Bandits… etc. My first year of high school, I was introduced to Copenhagen snuff by a long time friend and have been addicted to that brand ever since. It sickens and shames me to admit it, but that was 24 years ago.

Yeah, Copenhagen has been there through high school, the Marine Corps, College, numerous jobs, numerous relationships, good times, bad times, and everything in between. I can honestly say that other than breathing, eating, and sleeping I have had no other habit or ritual that has been that consistent in my life… not working out, going to church, or watching football.

From age 12 to 18 I was a closet addict, not out of choice really, but necessity because it’s not legal in school and my parents would have killed me. Only my other guy friends and my brother knew that I dipped snuff. The best chance that I had to quit using and overcome the addiction at an early age, was after Marine Corps boot camp at age 19. Thirteen weeks with no Copenhagen and nicotine, but more importantly the associative habits were gone. All the experts agree, that it is the mental and associative aspect of snuff tobacco addiction that is the hardest to overcome. I had my chance, and I blew it three days after leaving Parris Island.

The age of 22 was another important chapter in my addiction to snuff tobacco and nicotine. While at college, in order to fill my increasing need for Copenhagen more throughout the day, I stopped spitting the juice out to be able to do it in class without grossing everyone out with a spit cup. At first it was hard to handle, then after a few years it became second nature. Without the need to spit, I could dip where ever and whenever I wanted, and more honestly, needed.

Through my late 20’s about the only times you would not catch me with a dip of Copenhagen in my mouth, was sleeping, church, or around my girlfriend. Yes, that means that I dipped at work, social functions, bars, restaurants, games, driving, working out, hiking, mountain biking, and of course always after eating. Not having the need to spit and taking small dips, enabled me to be in nicotine heaven for about 80% of every day.

The real turning points for me personally, came in my early 30’s as I began to date the woman who would eventually become my wife, and as I started to be more successful in my career. We’ll start with the later point first. Even though most of my work meetings would only last for 30-45 minutes, I could not and would not, resist the urge to have that dip of Copenhagen in my mouth. Now keep in mind, I didn’t take huge dips and spit in a cup, but I know if I am honest, I know that most of the customers knew that I had something in my mouth and since it never changed places it was either some form of tobacco or a genetic defect. The addiction was so bad at this point, that I stopped caring about my personal or professional appearance to others.

Which brings me to the other turning point… starting to date my future wife. When she and I first started dating at 31, I hid my Copenhagen and nicotine addiction for about the first year and a half.  I would do the more socially acceptable habit when we were together, smoke. While it was not my preference, it got me my fix and kept the demons at bay. It also hid any addiction factors, because most of the time we would have a drink or two, so I could use the ever popular, “I’m a social smoker, I only smoke when I drink”. Although she didn’t really like the smoking, as she is not a tobacco user, she just thought it was one of those things I would stop if things progressed and she asked me to.

As she and I started to spend more time together, it became increasingly difficult to hide my tobacco and nicotine addiction. After all, something I didn’t mention is that I love to run, work out, and eat healthy. Having run several marathons, I know how important not smoking is and how it affects your performance. We would go to the gym together and ride bikes together almost every time we were together, so I was forced to tell her about my snuff tobacco use and my nicotine addiction. Needless to say, she was not thrilled to learn about it, but was confident that I would have no problem kicking the habit, because she didn’t understand the severity. She said the same thing others did that knew me and my addiction, “how can you be so disciplined to eat right and work out, but not enough to quit the snuff?” The bottom line is that I am so addicted that I pretty much have Copenhagen in mouth at all times, even around my wife, barring intimate times of course. The addiction is so strong that I just expect her and everyone else around me to deal with my addiction. It is not right.

Well, that pretty much brings us to our current point in time. Thanking God, I am not going to tell you that I have developed mouth cancer and am dying, but I know that if I keep letting my addiction win, it will only be a matter of time before I am writing those words. So I decided to quit Copenhagen snuff and all forms of tobacco starting on January 1, 2009. I have tried to quit dozens of times and have used nicotine gum and patches, cold turkey, Welbutrin, and Mint Snuff. Obviously none of them have worked to this point, but I can’t fault the products or methods, I fault myself for not being truly ready. 

I am ready now and that is why I created this blog. To share my journey and story, and maybe help a few other people along the way. I find that writing about my addiction helps me, and may give me that extra push I need to get over the top this time. I’m not promising a lifetime of being tobacco and nicotine free at this point, I’m just going to commit to trying to be each and every day for the rest of my life. I will be using the assistance of nicotine patches for the first month to ease the physical withdrawal symptoms. Aside from that, I will be eating healthy, exercising regularly, drinking plenty of water, and of course sharing my thoughts and feelings every day.

I hope this helps or at least gives you some insight to an addiction that is often brushed aside as just a lack of will power.

God Bless,

Matt